An Ordinary Life

What I do, what I think

Nothing May 14, 2008

Filed under: rambling — reneewong @ 10:21 pm

Today’s post is about nothing at all because I have nothing to write about. But I am blogging to make up for all those times when I did have something to say but I kept putting it off and so I’ve lost the words and the sentiments that go with them. Stray thoughts that came and went:

I’m so bored at work that I could put a bullet through my brains.

It’s punishing doing the work that I do. I’m surrounded by young interns year in, year out. Every year, a new batch comes in. They stay as young and I get older. This year, it’s been particularly painful because I’ve come to regret.. these young ones are bright in every sense – they exude light because they are on the threshold of a new world. For them, this is the beginning. For me, that beginning had come and gone. There are as many possibilities for them as there are impossibilities for me. I see closed doors around me but they are out in the open, unhindered, untethered.

Why don’t I teach where I work? The teachers make it seem so hard. There seems no pleasure, only grief. I’m not inspired.

My ex smsed me today: “I miss you terribly”. I wanted to respond, “You’re a very strange boy. I’m getting married” but I stopped at the first sentence. I did not think that that was the appropriate time to tell him that I was getting married. God only knows what he was thinking when he sent that message.

I’m not going to be homeless after all. First thought that went through my head: “I don’t have to get married!”

I choose gay people over straight because they at least have contemplated the differences that exist in the world.


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