An Ordinary Life

What I do, what I think

The silent type vs. the non-silent type June 1, 2008

Filed under: rambling — reneewong @ 1:54 am

I think that there are people who grieve aloud and those who grieve in silence. Personally, I feel everything in silence. Grief, anger, intense joy and well-being, pain, sadness…

Sniffles is the complete opposite. Sometimes I feel that he robs me with his words and questions, particularly his questions. I don’t want to articulate my grief, my anger, my pain, or even my happiness – that takes something away from the experience of just feeling, but he likes to ask “why?”. I think that the word “why” is antithetic to emotions. Because once I have to start rationalising my emotions and explain in the spoken word why I feel the way I do, the way I feel inadvertently changes to the feeling of frustration at having been disturbed.

In anger, I always feel that silence is better than words, inaction better than action. But Sniffles likes to ask “why are you angry?”. I know that he probably wants to know so that he can avoid giving rise to the situation where I could be angry again, but in my case, it is better to just let it go because chances are that if I really am pissed off with someone, I’ll probably never tell that person that I’m pissed off with him / her anyway, not to mention explain to that person why. But I will avoid the person so that a repeated situation will never arise. I tend to do that a lot at work, which probably explains why I now sit facing the window, next to a man who hardly says a word.

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