An Ordinary Life

What I do, what I think

Living with another human being June 10, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — reneewong @ 1:11 am

Went to watch Sex and the City with the girlfriends and Sniffles today. All the girlfriends’ other halves vehemently declined to join us but Sniffles had no qualms about it. So after movie, the man and I had dinner with one girlfriend and said friend and I were marvelling at the walk-in wardrobe that Big had built for Carrie and Sniffles insisted that there was really no need for so much space. Most guys would agree with him, I have no doubt, but most guys don’t have more clothes and shoes than I do, as it is in Sniffles’ case. So he was arguing with me that having such a huge wardrobe will only encourage unnecessary buying to fill the wardrobe. That, to me, is ridiculous talk coming from someone who NEEDS his retail therapy – he shops for fun, for pleasure, for stress relief, and he is saying that having a big wardrobe is not a good idea because it will make one want to shop more? Yah, he’s the expert on that, and I’m the one trying to find space for everything that we have.

I am anal retentive. That is a fact. I admit that. I believe that there is a place for everything, a tool for every task. When I am looking for something, I know exactly where it is because I would have made sure to put it in the same place every time I’m done using it. I spend a fair amount of time restoring things to their original places because Sniffles and I differ in this aspect.

To his credit, he has never complained about the lack of space where we live now even though most of the stuff is mine and he is only allocated a limited amount of space. And I’m only realising now that he’s actually really ok with living this way. I’m ok with it too because I have lived in smaller places when I was overseas. At the same time, I’ve also lived in bigger places so I know what life can be like.

Part of the reason why I’m procrastinating about moving forward with our wedding and housing plans is because I see obstacles ahead and I’m trying to avoid conflict before anything has even started. When we talk about looking for a place, we can’t agree on the size of the place that we’re looking for, and the amount of money we’re willing to pay for it. This is where family background plays a part. He’s ok with a hole in the wall along the common corridor where families have left their prints all over it. His dad says the same thing. I need things to be quiet, new and clean. I am ok with hacking down walls and floors but he’s trying to make do with whatever is available. My family has never moved into a secondhand flat or house with the intention of calling it home. I see secondhand places as temporary, and so they have been in my experience. All the 12 places where I have lived in the past 12 years have been temporary, and to me, they belonged to other people. I know life can be simple. I know it can be as lightweight as living out of suitcase, or two, which I have done, but it can also be comfortable, personal, less transient. I don’t need a brand new flat or a huge wardrobe, but some effort would mean emotional investment, instead of just seemingly moving into a place that someone else has left behind.

This is quite ironic coming from someone who claims to want a nomadic life, but if I’m going to see my marital home as temporary, then what’s going to keep me from packing up and moving on, like I’ve done for the past decade?


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