Fact: I don’t want to get married. I think that’s why I’m pissed off with all the fuss and trouble that goes into preparing for my wedding, because the fact is that I don’t want to get married. Once one has established that, all the stuff about wedding dresses, wedding reception, churches, tea ceremonies, venues, music, wedding cakes, wedding favours – all that just becomes nothing. I don’t want any of that. No one believes me. I could go through life very happy without getting married. If only my father did not exist. But if he didn’t, then neither would I, which may or may not be a bad thing. And I am not about to curse my own father to an untimely death, God forbid.
I hate this angst that Sniffles and I have about the wedding. It’s ridiculous. Truth be told, it all stems from him. He’s the one with resentment about his church and the pastor and he has passed it on to me, and now all I see are obstacles. His negativity has rubbed off on me. It’s hard to stay positive with someone like that, it really is. First there was his job, and I told him to go sort it out or we’re through, and within 72 hours, he had a new job, just like that. That was after 2 years of angst and pain that I had to endure with him. And now this. I’m tired. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.