I realised that from the previous blog, it would seem that things are falling apart, but they are not. Sniffles and I are actually doing better than ever, as a couple at least. As individuals, I’m doing good, very good. I wake up happy every day, knowing that God loves me and all is well with my world. Work is busy but I like that, and I still get to go home on time on most days, so I’m okay with that. My running has not improved. Ok, there’s no surprise there. I think I can make 500m. But you know, we all can’t be perfect.
I did give some thought to what the pastor said about why I want to get married. And I have realised that yah, it really is about the flat. Because the thing is, even without marriage, I would still choose to be with Sniffles. If a million bucks fall from the sky into my lap today, and God’s voice booms down from heaven saying that co-habitation and pre-marital sex is ok in His book, and Sniffles’ mom stops giving him issues about not staying under her roof, then yah sure, Sniffles and I will just continue life as a happy couple, perhaps forever and ever, without any of this marriage business. In that sense, marriage is just a formality, and permission to be left alone and not judged for living together. Oh, and of course the ticket to a HDB flat if you’re below 35 and living in Singapore.
I am glad for the counselling sessions that we had because it forced both of us to think about things. However, it still is frustrating because we both want to do the right thing, but what are all these hindrances? Isn’t it ironic that we could both happily live the rest of our lives together but because we want to be married in church, we have to go through all this? The pastor is doing her due diligence, I understand that. It’s like a couple who wants to adopt a child and has to go through great lengths to prove that they are worthy and then there are irresponsible and ignorant 12-year-olds getting pregnant that easily.
Anyway, the fact is that we both want a pastor to marry us because God is the centre of our lives and relationship, so well, we have to go through all this. In fact, we actually may not be happy if we don’t, because as it is, living together already seems an act of disobedience and that bothers both of us at some time or another, and would perhaps, in the long run, put a strain on our relationship with each other, and worse, our relationship with God.
I am happy about how things have turned out, just not the speed at which is is crawling. That’s all.