An Ordinary Life

What I do, what I think

Rantings of a hen June 19, 2009

Filed under: rambling,Uncategorized,wedding,work — reneewong @ 1:26 am

So I told my colleagues today in no uncertain terms that I do not want a hen’s night. They had been talking about it for weeks. First, one girl in my department decided I should have one, then another girl in my department got excited about it, then they got two people outside my department to plan it. The thing is, I am not inviting people outside of my department to my wedding. And, to top it all, I found out today that the people they had asked to organise the hen party could not even make it to the party themselves. So, basically, there is a party because of my impending nuptials where I have to play a part I do not want to play, i.e. a hen, organised by people not invited to my wedding, who cannot attend the party. I mean, how awkward and strange is that?
Besides, I do not see the point of a hen party. I can accept going out for drinks, possibly gettingĀ drunk. I do not understand why I should be forced to lap dance for strangers and sell my kisses for the amusement of people who have supposedly thrown a party for my benefit. Like, huh?

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My general wellbeing March 7, 2009

Filed under: boyfriend,rambling,wedding,work — reneewong @ 12:09 am

I’m sitting next to the fiance in his office on a Friday, minutes from midnight. Before this, I was at church, from where I had run away towards the end of the session when the senior pastor was going to engage us in prophetic drawing and I wasn’t feeling up to feeling like Helen Keller where God was concerned. I love going to church, except on Sunday mornings, but that’s only because getting up in the morning is a constant struggle for me. It seems as if in the past few months, I’ve noticed plenty of areas for improvement in my life, but it has been a matter of “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”. Like, going running. It’s amazing how I fall sick every time I start exercising. It has occurred to me also that I was at my healthiest, i.e. not falling sick at all, when I wasn’t exercising, and was drinking like a fish and working like a horse. I’ve been trying to sleep more normal hours, but I realised that no matter how early or late I go to bed, I still end up waking up late, so why waste time? I’m also trying to go on a diet, but that’s just not me. In recent years, I’ve only lost weight if I fall ill for a prolong period of time. I have no wish to wish that upon myself, so the flesh will have to catch up with the mind soon.

Anyway, the reason why I’m sitting with the fiance in his office is because he is working. And I feel that we have not been spending much quality time with each other. Not that this really counts as quality time since he is in a world of his own, typing more maniacally than usual. I think that we spend so much time with each other that when we don’t spend as much time with each other, I feel we’re drifting apart. The fiance has been on his own planet because he has been sick and in his own bubble of mucus. I am not the most sympathetic person around when he is ill because I find that he doesn’t worry enough about his own health, so why should I? I could nag. But I’m averse to that, so I just avoid the walking germ factory and call him names, in the hope that that would spur him to recovery. I think he’s developing a fever even as I type this.

We’re supposed to meet florists and the pastor this weekend, but the fiance will be working. I suppose I’ll have to meet the florists on my own, which is just as well, as I think the fiance might disapprove of how much flowers I want.

On a final note, I want to quit my job!! There is no such thing as a free meal. Getting a raise comes with increased responsibilities and obligations, and where mine is concerned, this is palpable. It’s almost as if overnight, I’m suddenly being milked for every teeny bit of essence till I’m as dry as a raisin. I need to quit. I also need to pay off my reno loan, and all the other expenses and debt that I will incur for the wedding.

 

Wanderlust October 10, 2008

Filed under: rambling,vacation,wedding,work — reneewong @ 7:55 pm

I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been busy doing I don’t know what.
Hot and I have received the stamp of approval from the pastor. It was amazingly simple in the end. That actually happened weeks ago.
I went for an interview for a course today. If I get through the interview I’ll be taking a three-month break from work in July next year and squeeze in a wedding and honeymoon as well. I have second thoughts coz the course is a certification to teach ESOL or EFL. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for the past few years, way before I met Hot. In fact the idea was first planted when I was studying in Canada seven years ago.
Marriage complicates things. Especially since Hot seems to want to be joint at the hip to me. I’m really not for that. I’ve been in a long distance relationship before and for all the evils of that unhealthy relationship, distance was the last reason for all the problems. It actually worked out quite well and I relished my freedom and all the friendships formed with other people on my own and experiences that were personal to me. Maybe I really am cut out for singlehood, but rewind to earlier post about how celibacy is not for me.
I want to marry Mark and have a home with him and our dog, but I also want to live a life that seems almost my calling. I miss living overseas. I’m not looking to
migrate coz I’ve been there and I know that the grass is not greener on the other side. I just want to experience walking through the streets of another land and be familiar enough with it to call it home. I like knowing that I can be transported to Paris today and it’ll all be more than familiar.

 

A Little Death March 26, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized,work — reneewong @ 10:56 am

Sometimes I feel as if I die a little death when someone walks out of my life. Of course this is not the case with everyone. Most of the time, it feels like a breath of fresh air, especially if that someone is a colleague.

But I definitely died a little death today when someone told me that she will be leaving in the first week of April. This is quite punnily the nail in the coffin. It must have been in the first three months of my current job that I told myself that if this person ever quits, I will soon follow. This is now my fifth year and her tenth. Three weeks ago, the idea to move on first hit me. It was a whack in the head, like in the form of a newspaper recruitment ad for a position that actually interested me. Like with most things, I was initially enthusiastic, then that kind of faded. The intention was still there, but not the urgency. So today’s message was a kick in the ass. It definitely is time to move on. No point procrastinating or thinking twice about it.

 

Burning out and breaking down November 30, 2007

Filed under: work — reneewong @ 12:10 am

These days it seems as if I am just hanging on. As if I am waiting. Waiting for everything to come to an end. Waiting for work to let up, waiting for my Japanese exam to be over, waiting to clear my debts, waiting to have time to just sit back and breathe, waiting to be free of this miserable existence. I feel as if I am paddling and paddling and going nowhere. I am kicking just to keep afloat. And yet, if one is to ask me if I am stressed, I really couldn’t say “Yes” though perhaps I am. I am tired. I am constantly tired. I am tired from the moment I open my eyes in the morning to the moment my head hits the pillow at night. I am tired now as I type and every waking moment, I just yearn to be free of wakefulness. I want to pass out. I want to pass through the whole space of unconsciousness from beginning to end and back to the beginning and then to the end again, like a neverending cycle. Just swimming through the vacuous nothing.

 

Of colleagues July 22, 2007

Filed under: work — reneewong @ 2:59 am

In my opinion, relationships with co-workers are the most frustrating. Colleagues are like family – you can’t choose them. Unfortunately, unlike family, you cannot avoid them and you cannot be frank and forthright with them either. You can’t say to them, ‘I think you’re just a whining little brat’ or ‘ Why don’t you get off your ass and do something’ or, to get right down to it: ‘You suck!’
So, instead of this healthy and cathartic dose of honesty, you find yourself straddling the fine line between professionalism and hypocrisy. Everyday you’re just seething under the veneer of civility.
There are two types of people you can find yourself working with: those whom you would never acknowledge in your private life, where you actually have a choice; and those whom you would hang out with outside of work. If only you didn’t actually have to work with them.
Ok, despite all this cynicism, I must admit that there is that tiny handful of people whom I just love as both colleagues and friends. These are the ones that I actually like as people, as fellow human beings and not just living, breathing creatures out to compete with me for oxygen.