It’s so hot!!
Yes, that’s completely irrelevant to what I want to write about today, but I thought I should just let that out of my system first because the weather for the past few days has just been unbearable. And I’ve been sick for the past two weeks – I realise that it’s my biennial chronic cough. I take a long holiday overseas once every two years in the month of April. Those years when I don’t, I get this cough that lasts forever. Two years ago, it started in May and I was still coughing in December of that same year. I hope that I get over this soon enough. It’s annoying if nothing else.
So I’ve been screaming out loud about my need for a new job for the past month now, but the actual job search is more of a whimper. I have applied for 3 jobs, two of which only happened in the past 36 hours. I think the problem is that I don’t know what I want to do. Or rather, I didn’t. But now I do! And well, it’s none of those jobs which I’d thought I wanted and applied for.
Sometimes it’s best to go back to the beginning. What makes me happy? Learning new things, travelling, my dog. What am I good at? Languages. What industry am I currently in? Education. When you put all these things together, what should I do? Teach dogs to speak English. No, I’m just kidding. If anything, the dog is a problem but she is the joy of my life, so I’ll have to work something out. Probably come up with a compromise. It’s back to the same thing that I’ve been wanting to do for the past few years – TESOL. Except now it’s going to be complicated coz I’m supposed to be getting married.
I’m not sure if I’m really cut out for marriage. I don’t want kids, I think monogamy is a sham and I obviously do not want to settle down. Every once in a while, I realise that I’ve been brainwashed by Singaporean standards of normality which I had managed to shake off while overseas.
Anyway, as it turns out, I might not be quitting my job anytime soon after all. I need to get my TESOL certification first. All along, I had been telling myself that I shall save up and then do it overseas. I now realise that that’s never going to happen because I have never saved a cent in my life, and with my current priority of clearing my credit card debts, I’m not about to start. So, I need to do it now, and I will do it here. It’s the “what happens after?” that’s the issue.
I talked to Sniffles last night and he actually wants to do it too. Of course he would never even imagine doing such a thing if I never existed in his life. Strangely enough, I see our relationship as a mirror of my relationship with my ex, but with the roles reversed. I hope I don’t end up retarding his life, coz I see my ex as my life retardant – if I had not met him, I wouldn’t have wasted so much time doing “unconventional” things, and I certainly wouldn’t be working where I am now, and wouldn’t be stuck in this rut. Knowing me though, I’ll probably be in some other rut – divine discontent – that’s my curse.
Anyway, when I spoke to him about it yesterday, I saw it as a long term plan because if he wants to do it too, we should spend the next few years at our current jobs, where we’re earning a decent wage, and save. The plan then was to do the TESOL course overseas, but now that I’m planning to do it here, we shall have to talk about it again. In any case, I’m not about to quit my current job before clearing all my debts, which I foresee will take me about half a year, if I’m good.
Ok, I’m going to end this here because I can feel myself melting in all ways – from the heat, and my cough medication which is making my hands go all limp – and the rest of me too. Brain fogging over…