Bum May 29, 2008

The company that I interviewed with has not contacted me. The recruiter said that I would hear from them in the beginning of this week. It is now 1.30am on a Thursday morning – this is no longer the first half of the week. I am crushed. I have never failed an interview in my life. Seriously. Not for a scholarship, not for a job.

Moving on. What can keep me going during the last two hours of a 12-hour work day? Two scoops of ice cream – one Bailey’s & Bourbon, one Triple Sec Chocolate. Followed by guilt as my breasts touch my ever-growing stomach – no, I am not pregnant. It doesn’t help that after work, Sniffles meets me at my work place, which is very sweet of him, but he needs a beer, so we go for drinks and I end up eating ham and sausages coz I always feel like I’m overloading on carbs and not consuming enough protein. Though truth be told, I think I am just eating too much of everything.

I was going through my spam mail today and 99 out of 100 were trying to sell sexual performance enhancement products. Sex sells, apparently. Do people’s lives really revolve around that? Is there such a demand for such products? If not, why is there so much supply? Does the overwhelming supply imply equally impressive demand? Or are the ads just trying to make us all believe that there is always room for improvement? I’ve never been tempted to even open and read one of the ads – the subject headlines already say it all for me, and are enough to convince me that I have no need for Viagra, penis enlargers or the mysterious product that will “make her lick you dry” or “keep you going”.

Sun May 26, 2008

Last Monday Sniffles and I went to Sentosa Pelawan Beach with his cell and Yuki came along with us. Today, one week later, I spent $250 on whitening products.

I think my dog feels the same about the beach as I do:

Mourning

Sometimes it’s hard to write when you actually have something to say.

I found out this morning that my friend’s dog had died. It came as a shock because my friend had just returned from a two-week trip to the US the night before last, and her dog had jumped off the balcony just hours before she touched down.

“What if…?”, “I should’ve…”, “Maybe if I had…” – these are words that haunt us in the void left behind.

Shasta was Yuki’s first friend. Physically, they were polar opposites. He was big, black and male; she is small, white and female. But they got on famously. They had met only once and we were always planning a second meeting, but now it’s a meeting that’ll never be.

Doors May 23, 2008

I had a phone interview today. I shan’t mention the organisation. Let’s just say that anyone who uses the internet will recognise the name. It was a surprise. I believe in God so I don’t believe in coincidences.

At 3pm today, I decided to go out and buy lunch. Along the way, I decided to check my Gmail on my mobile, which is a very rare urge that I have these days. So, 30 mails. This is going to take forever, so I cancelled the downloads and just scanned the list of subjects, and lo and behold, one screamed out at me. To sum up, it informed me that the recruiter would call me at 3.30pm today. Note that by the time this mail appeared in its entirety on my mobile, it was 3.10pm. At 3.18pm, I was back at my desk, vacillating between just winging the interview or rescheduling. I decided to try my luck and replied to the email saying that I was extremely tied up by work, which is true as evinced by the fact that I only left the office after midnight today, and could I reschedule for tomorrow. No response, of course. 3.30 came and went and I thought that’s that. A few minutes later, the mobile rang.

It was relatively painless. Of course I was completely unprepared. As the words were tumbling out of my mouth, I had a distinct out-of-body experience, as if my mouth didn’t belong to me and I was just hearing myself externally. It was very odd.

The lady said that I will hear from them early next week about the results. I hope I didn’t sound like too much of an idiot.

This is my stand: if they can match my current pay, I will move on without a second thought. The organisation is too cool to walk away from. If I have to take a pay cut, I’ll have to think about it, depending on how much the cut is and how much it’ll hurt.

As it is, I’m suffering from cognitive dissonance because the position connotes a demotion from what I’m doing now, but hey, it’s the big frog in small pond vs small frog in giant pond scenario. I am definitely excited about this.

Nothing May 14, 2008

Today’s post is about nothing at all because I have nothing to write about. But I am blogging to make up for all those times when I did have something to say but I kept putting it off and so I’ve lost the words and the sentiments that go with them. Stray thoughts that came and went:

I’m so bored at work that I could put a bullet through my brains.

It’s punishing doing the work that I do. I’m surrounded by young interns year in, year out. Every year, a new batch comes in. They stay as young and I get older. This year, it’s been particularly painful because I’ve come to regret.. these young ones are bright in every sense – they exude light because they are on the threshold of a new world. For them, this is the beginning. For me, that beginning had come and gone. There are as many possibilities for them as there are impossibilities for me. I see closed doors around me but they are out in the open, unhindered, untethered.

Why don’t I teach where I work? The teachers make it seem so hard. There seems no pleasure, only grief. I’m not inspired.

My ex smsed me today: “I miss you terribly”. I wanted to respond, “You’re a very strange boy. I’m getting married” but I stopped at the first sentence. I did not think that that was the appropriate time to tell him that I was getting married. God only knows what he was thinking when he sent that message.

I’m not going to be homeless after all. First thought that went through my head: “I don’t have to get married!”

I choose gay people over straight because they at least have contemplated the differences that exist in the world.

A second visit May 12, 2008

I went to the ARC today. This may come as a surprise coz I have blatantly lambasted the place in prior posts. However, in my conversations with colleagues and such, there had been a name that stood out and recently, my boss mentioned his good experience with Dr Shum and today, Sniffles wanted me to take the dog to the vet because she seemed to be under the weather. I tried calling Namly Animal Clinic. Twice. But no pick up. Then I thought, ok, practically speaking, Balestier makes more sense because it is much nearer to where I am. So I called and asked for Dr Shum.

Now, hearing my boss talk about Dr Shum, I’d thought that she would be some maternal middle-aged lady, maybe a little pudgy, but with kind eyes. Don’t ask me why I had that impression. And with a name like Shum, pronounced Shah-m, I’d thought she was Indian, so lo and behold, I was surprised twice over. Firstly, she was blonde. But Chinese. And she looked about 15. And she was small. So, ok, that was thrice over.

Now I’m wondering how to continue with this post. Should I give an evaluation of the vet, or should I muse about my sexuality? I think that it would be more useful for the general reader if I talk about my professional experience with Dr Shum, not that there’s a personal one, but you know, an objective review of how the consultation went.

First of all, I must say that this experience was completely different from my previous experience at the ARC. Dr Shum was everything that Dr Ly was not. She was patient, she asked questions, she listened to my responses, she remembered and addressed ALL my concerns and she was very cute. Yes, I’m still being objective. Anyway, she took two X-rays of my dog and lo and behold (again!), my baby does not have a collapsed trachea (au contraire to what Dr Ly had previously diagnosed, WITHOUT an X-ray). She does, however, have bronchitis. So it’s back to medication. Just one type this time – antibiotics. Review in three weeks.

My dog’s really cute. But I’ve got her in her pen now coz she decided to pee on the floor immediately after she’d had her dinner. What an ingrate! Obedience training is going well and I’m wondering if I should sign her up for the next course. We tried Agility training yesterday but she’s too short to jump over poles and the lady suggested that I wait till she’s slightly older because puppies’ bones are not fully developed yet and she might sustain long-term injuries if she’s made to jump at this age. Which is why I was slightly appalled just now when my housemate decided to push the dog off her lap while she was in a chair. I know she only did that coz she has three cats and is used to doing that to them, but they are cats, and my dog is, well, a short-legged puppy.